So in addition to my current status as a "Patient" I guess one could add other narratives to that list. Such as a: Child, Mourner, Sickly, Obedient, Boring. Ugh, just the realization of such boredom is completely demeaning. I've only heard the term once before and believed it is called " Sick of Heart." That's a reasonable term I wish to define.
Its a Plague. A plague which spreads over my body in the form of sin. Leaving me cursed and bloodless. To face a cowardice penitence for my dues. Oh do cease this evil that I console each day. The dreams that have so been fasted upon do nothing for my conscious. They are equally a foul with nature and mind. Oh by the Gods, I do indeed wish, at times, that Modern day was not so easy going on the female race. Have we not proven our wanton ways most distinctively? Fully, this passion I encase as my End can do more for my soul than a Lover could. Be it innocence or ignorance I find my truth in dreams. For they, as many would assume, are not crafted by our aware minds. But are the reproduction of our Desires.
Ignorance. Did I mean such a word towards my manner? Most assuringly not, for I do try my best to enlighten my mind to the most interesting learning's. My feelings are fleeting. If not a bit demeaning to my character, even. How is it that I cannot feel like everyone else in this world? So in love with the matters of lust. I suppose it comes from my analysis of life. That makes me so fearful and cautious of modern-day men. I become so confused when I try to analyze these men. With their boyish ways and rude demeanors. And Urges. Gosh, how could I forget about their boundless urges to do the most impurest of deeds.
I don't know if it is possible to go from a knowing girl to an innocent one, but if the girl remains intact and untried throughout her entire learning of the nature of sex, then I suppose innocence can be reclaimed.
Taking myself for example, I used to know much about the art, and I stress the word Art, of sex. Now it seems that I have no real truth of the subject and remain as innocent to life as always. But is that such a bad thing to be in this day and age? To still be a native virgin at sixteen. My fascination over the subject at hand could be, indeed, foolish and childish. Yet to get answers to their questions, one must be curious enough to ponder such things about the ways of life.
And people, not to mention the way they think, intrigue me all the more.
Love is another matter in itself. The link between love and lust has been debated for centuries, and people are no way near to the answer than their romantic ancestors of the past had been. Love starts with caring, which one must induce from affection. Thus this affectionate caring becomes logic in the mind of a person, and love is unbiddingly the answer as to " Why do I feel this way?" See, its all very simplistic. To love, you must know, then care, and then show. Lust comes from caring, however, the caring may tend to slip into more selfish sides of life. We all must indulge our sensuous demands at one time or another.
Unless you are a lovely person who has taken a vow of celibcy. Which I must commend anyone who utters such a vow, for their patience and commitment to knowledge is a far cry greater than that of people who commit sins of the flesh. It is so strange for me to be discussing such thoughts I have with the paper I write on. I've always hidden back my want for Knowledge. Thinking that my words may be a bit to blunt and bold even for the strongest of minds.
For how am I suppose to have someone fall in love with me if they don't truly see how I think? What is the male who centuries to like me, hates my logic of the world, if logic is what it can be called..
Surely this man would be accepting because it would suit me poorly to have to set a man in his place. I've done this to many men before.
It's so surprising when they don't see the reasoning behind my lectures. And then of course they get all puffed up with pride for having a young girl give them a good talking to. Then they get Mad! At me! What gall..of all people. Their logic is, in a profound sense, shocking stupid. How can I love someone that I don't know? And what is this " You led me on" nonsense? The men lead themselves on, because they assume, without actually asking if we women agree, that we want them. Honestly, such stupidity is at times frowned upon. For once I want to see a man with some sense and logic punch some reasoning back into those stupid, petty men who litter our earth.

Fini.